Ensanada ’07

31Aug09

Here go my chances at ever being president, unless of course, downward spirals turn out to be the new black, so to speak. This happened when I was 16, in the spring on 2007. It hadn’t occurred to me then, but I’d already started heading down… well, an interesting path. The following events actually occurred, though names have been changed to protect the innocent and more importantly the guilty.

My sophomore band class took a cruise ship to Ensanada, Mexico. That sentence alone should probably indicate where this goes, but for the uninformed, I’ll elaborate. Cruise ships and Mexico are both lawless and dangerous places. Ungodly things can take place in the compact rooms, bright carpeted halls, decorative swimming pools, and all manner of gaudy locals one might find on a cruise ship. The same can be said about the dusty streets and busy sidewalks of Ensanada. Luckily, the following story happened on the ship, and I’m lucky enough to be writing this with all my organs intact. I would have hated to have had awoken in a bathtub full of ice with one, or perhaps even 2 strange scars where my kidneys should be. Anyway, on with the story.

It was the final night of the trip and all the mandatory festivities were over, this meant that we were blessed with the oppertunity to create our own. This took many forms as the night progressed. Illegal gambling over dangerous public wrestling matches, causing disturbances, lying and decieving, but it eventually progressed to the obvious pinnacle: Vodka. 6 Bottles. We got it from an older Irish gentleman in the room next to ours. He was there with another Hispanic fellow, and no one was interested in asking about the nature of their relationship. The ‘We’ that I referred to was myself, Jim (a british friend slightly older than me and who I’m sure I’ll be mentioning frequently), Jake (He looked like Jesus, little more need be said), Matt (A very stereotypical Jew, not much else to say), and some 4th guy who looked like a weasel, I’ll be calling him Weasel. The men also offered us vicodin, which we politely declined. We took the vodka back to our room, and began plans to distribute it to basically every other underage person on the ship. While distributing it, Will-Burn, one of the members of the ship’s crew, and all around good guy brought 2 six packs of beer which we readily accepted. After this, everything gets hazy, so I present you with a list of events gathered from the sullied minds of Jim and myself after the events:

A Finnish friend in the room was snorting brown sugar. He was kind of an idiot so this was nothing unusual. Jim says that happened before we started drinking, and I have no reason not to believe him.

We start drinking, we get through about 2/3 of the bottle in 10 minutes, chasing with beer. I tried to count shots, and believe we drank somewhere between 12 and 20 each, but that number is an estimate, and could be a fabrication, regardless, we drank a lot.

The other 3, that is, those who weren’t me or Jim were basically cheering us on. Weasel made me uncomfortable, he was the kind of guy who looked like he was always ready to kill you, and would have enjoyed it.

Pretty soon after/during the drinking Jim and I were kicked out. I could already see Jim starting to go. We had too much. I was still somewhat coherent, so I propped Jim up and took him to the dining hall to get bread.

After much stumbling and bumping into doors, walls, and eachother, we reached the cafeteria to find a disturbing lack of bread, luckily there was pizza. I spent the next indeterminate amout of time forcing Jim to eat some to do what I could to help.

After this we decided to go to Akiko’s room. She was a Walrus-like half-Asian half-German who was only slightly meaner than Hitler, and about half as cute. We were not let in. According to Jim we crashed here for a little while and moved on. I remember absolutely nothing past this point.

We crashed in an elevator for a little, accompanied by a group of less drunk 20 something people who evidently found us amusing.

Jim spent some time in his room screaming. I’m not sure where I was druing this, maybe in my room.

Jim was gone, people were trying to subdue him. He was throwing up. According to him I was in my room.

Jim was subdued, so I decided I needed to restart the party, but that I mean bursting into the hall and vomiting everywhere. Classy.

According to the  reports of others I:

• Vomited nearly every color of the rainbow, the most vivid being dark brown.
• Repeatedly called for Monica (A slightly cute, but otherwise completely uninteresting Asian girl) to save me, and that no one could help me but her.
• Walk up to a chaperone and asked, “Do these glasses make me look fucked up?” Whether or not I had on glasses at the time is unknown.

I also woke up drunk, making my morning of scolding and punishment quite tolerable, and infact enjoyable.

When I got home, my parents were none-too-pleased.

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